YOU”RE IMAGINING THINGS

by Jeffrey Hilton

Being a single adult in the church involves a lot of unknowns. Dating during high school and before my mission was almost made to appear pointless. We are taught not to get serious before we graduate high school or serve a mission and when we return suddenly, “It’s marriage time.”

A friend of mine went on his first post mission date and called me when the date ended. After one date he feared she wanted a relationship with him. Against my advice he called her up to break up with her. I have since talked to his date and she swears she wasn’t looking for a relationship.

Fear plays a tremendous role in complicating dating. Sometimes it is fear of commitment and other times a fear of hurting someone’s feelings. If people could see past these fears they would realize the thing causing them the most fear is their own imaginations.

If I ask a girl on a date and she isn’t interested there are two likely responses. 1. She will turn me down and assume that because she said, “no,” I am eternally heart broken that a goddess such as her turned me down. 2. She will lead me on and when I don’t pick up on subtle hints mistake me for a stalker.

As hard to believe as it may sound there are times I ask a girl on a date before falling in love with her. Some girls have come to think so highly of themselves that they assume everyone is in love with them. At times I have acknowledged a girl I’m not attracted to with a glance, hello, or wave. Sometimes I am passing that person in a hall and don’t want to bump into them. Yet they will give me a look that distinctively says, “you’re not my type.” I in turn think to myself, “Wow, I didn’t even have to ask the ugly girl out to get rejected by her, what does that say about me?”

The reason women assume a guy they turn down is heart broken is because it is more commonly the case. The terrible job women do of rejecting a guy can causes him to stop dating. When he has had so many bad experiences the only motivation for him to ask a woman on a date is if he has already fallen in love with her. When he is in love and gets rejected it becomes doubly difficult to bring himself to ask women out.

There are only a few times I can recall being rejected properly. I called a girl up and asked her on a date. In a nice tone of voice she said, “I’m not really interested in you that way.” I wasn’t at all upset with her. In fact this very day I have extra respect for her because she was honest with me. Unless a girl uses those exact words she is leading the guy on.

When a girl isn’t that direct a guy will continue to pursue her thinking she might have some interest in him. No matter how obvious a girl thinks her hints are there is a confusing game of playing hard to get out there. Next time a guy appears to be stalking you or creeping you out it may be that it is in your imagination. I guarantee you will find yourself in less awkward situations if you are honest with those you date. As much as you may want to avoid hurting feelings, leading someone on hurts them a lot worse.