The Returned Missionary Stereotype
by Jeffrey Hilton
As the end of my mission drew near I observed each group of missionaries prepare to go home.
There was a fear among missionaries of returning home and having nothing to return to.
Missionaries were spending Preparation Day creating romantic relationships by e-mail for when they returned.
I tried not to let myself get distracted from my missionary work. I figured I could worry about women after
my mission.
I had a lot of people I was in touch with at the beginning of my mission. Near the end there was a small group.
As the end of my mission approached something clicked inside of the small circle of unrelated women at home I
had kept in contact with. One by one they developed notions that I was planning on pursuing them romantically
once I returned home. It wasn’t the case but fear got the best of each of them and they sent me bold letters
and e-mails to make it very clear I wasn’t their type. Beware of the emotions people will have when you are
coming back home.
One of the women I remained in contact with throughout my mission was excited that I was finally going to be
coming home. She lived a great distance from me but made the necessary preparations to spend the entire day
with me. The way she acted got me excited that I would have my first post mission date.
When she arrived we talked at my house and caught up for a while. After a while I suggested a couple places
and activities we could involve ourselves in. She turned them down and said she didn’t want to go on a date
she just wanted to hang out. I had seen a date as two people getting acquainted during a planned activity.
She saw it as something extremely serious. We had fun together the rest of the day, but any mention of being
on a date seemed to make her uneasy.
A girl once told me returned missionaries like me are too focused on marriage and it scares women.
That was completely untrue! After my mission I had gone on a lot of first dates. I had to be reminded that
I could go on a second date. I realized at that moment that this girl represented a community of women who
had been avoiding me because of a stereotype placed on all returned missionaries.
When a missionary returns from their mission they have just come from an environment that discourages dating.
They are nervous about going on dates. This is not a time in their lives you need to fear they will pop the
question. If you asked them a lot of these returned missionaries would tell you they are just as scared that
women are focusing too much on marriage.
Missionaries get used to discussing plans for when they return home. One plan they discuss is marriage.
When they get home they are used to discussing marriage.
Returned missionaries don’t have power over your free agency. If one of them happens to propose you can always
say, “no.” If everyone collectively vows not to date returned missionaries they will never develop the
dating skills they will need for later in life.
Women have been dating two years longer than the male missionaries have. We need all the help we can get.
Forget the stereotype.
©2008
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