THE PITY DATE
by Jeffrey Hilton
Some of my guy friends put charity above dating. When considering who to ask they try to think of those who they assume don’t get asked out very often. They figure they are doing a good deed. One of my friends asked a girl to a formal dance back in high school. His plan to make her feel better for not being asked out very often backfired. When he asked her to that dance she thought it was because he was romantically interested in her. He was put in a situation where he would be leading her on.
After my mission he and I discussed a double date. When choosing his date he was still thinking about who doesn’t get to date very often. He had to be reminded to date for the purpose of finding a spouse.
In the book “I Lost My Number Can I Have Yours?” by John Hilton III the author suggests that every guy that asks a girl out should get one courtesy date. This encourages girls to lead guys on. No one wants to be taken on a pity date.
I recall calling a girl and asking her to out to dinner. “I will,” she said, “on one condition, we go as friends.” “I think that would be awkward,” I said and cancelled the dinner. To this day it baffles me that she would offer me a pity date. I respected her for being honest with me but it was suspicious that she would still want me to take her to dinner. She had told me she liked someone else and was hoping he would ask her out. Perhaps she wanted me as a back up.
The truth is once singles are encouraged to look for a potential spouse; it is no longer kind to take them on a pity date. This is the same with a dance or other romantic gesture as well. I have asked plenty of girls to dance, had great conversation with them and after the dance been told they have a boyfriend. No one needs pity from other people. I am looking for available girls who are interested in me. I don’t have time to be teased. If you pursue someone out of pity you are robbing them of honest opportunities the Lord has for them. Pity is dishonest and causes harm and no good.
©2008
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