PLEASE ASK US ON DATES

by Jeffrey Hilton

A rumor continues to resurface about single women in the church. It is so common it is almost urban legend. The legend features a Bishop, a Stake president, or some other priesthood authority asking women, “what can we do for you.” The legendary reply is always the same. “Tell the Single men to ask us on dates,” they say in one voice. The leaders pass on this message to the single men and the men answer, “Tell them to ask us on dates.”

Just the other day at church this legend came true. There was a combined Priesthood and Relief Society meeting taught by my Stake President. The Lesson was on Respect. He asked one of the sisters to tell him how men can show respect to women. “Well, uh sorry,” she said, “But guys don’t ask girls on dates.” I was going to offer a response but it didn’t seem respectful. After a moment of silence a guy behind me turned to his neighbor and said, “She’s right, dates don’t happen anymore.”

This legend always baffles me. Where are these women that want me to ask them on a date? The one who spoke up must not have been speaking to me. The ones I ask don’t seem to want to be asked on dates. They are either too busy, I’m not good enough, or something else disqualifies me. I’ll tell you what. I’ll ask you on dates if you agree to go on them.

One day I sat in church and looked around. I realized that most of the girls in my ward I had asked out at some point. A small portion of them accepted. A friend in that ward always impressed me. Every week he asked out a different girl at church. Every week he was turned down. They would lead him on for a while and then turn him down.

A girl had been flirting very obviously with me for months. I invited her to join a group activity. I met her and took her with me to get something to eat first. When she found out I considered it a date she was excited. We had fun and I continued to ask her on dates, while she continued to say, “Yes.” After a while a friend of mine asked her how she felt about me. “We are just friends,” she confessed, “ I just like going on dates.”

Perhaps women are more interested in dates than they are in men. It gets them out of their house for a few hours, it makes them feel desired, and it’s free. That sounds like a great deal, “ for them.”

If you are a woman looking for a date with a guy here are some ideas that might help.

1. Flirt with them. There are a variety of flirting techniques. You could smile a lot. You could tease them playfully. Or you could compliment them.

2. Touch their arm. Probably the most effective way is during a laugh, compliment, or greeting. I suggest just below the shoulder.

3. Do something different with your appearance. Do your hair. Wear clean feminine clothing. Wear makeup.

4. Smile as much as possible. A smiling person looks attractive, healthy, and approachable.

5. Host some group activities. This can give guys an idea of what a date might be like with you. Seeing your personality gives them a good second impression of you.

Number one through four should be used most often. If one through four don’t get results then group activities may be required. Be sure not to ask them on dates except in the case of a girl’s choice dance. Asking a guy out is emasculating.

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